


at least as deep as the pacific ocean

by 17blackk



Series: summer wine [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-21 23:50:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14925369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17blackk/pseuds/17blackk
Summary: They balance each other, in a way.





	at least as deep as the pacific ocean

Doyoung really doesn't understand why Jack Nicholson is trying to kill his whole family. That's when he realizes he hasn't been paying attention to the screen as much as Taeyong would have wanted him to.

 

It's almost four in the morning, they're on the couch, Taeyong's head resting on Doyoung's lap. They're a little tipsy because they've been going through Taeyong's list of best-movies-in-the-world since midnight while sipping wine. Jaehyun, Taeyong's roommate, is out somewhere with some frat friends Doyoung never spoke to.

 

Taeyong is still wide awake and way too excited for someone who has seen the same movie so many times he's capable of saying almost every line at the same time as the actors. Doyoung's brain has turned into slime and he knows the only reason he hasn't fallen asleep yet is that Taeyong looks way too beautiful when doing something he loves. Watching movies is one of those things. Doyoung wouldn't dare miss a minute of these moments.

 

Taeyong and Doyoung weren't really the closest friends for a long time, but somehow they always ended up with each other, alone more often than not. They had met through Jaehyun, Doyoung's Japanese Litterature classmate, in freshman year.

 

They all know Taeyong has always been a bit strange. He's shy, silent most of the time, kind of a pushover. He's not really the social butterfly, as opposed to Jaehyun who seems to know all campus and their mother. He gets very lonely, sometimes, even when with people. Back when Doyoung didn't know that much about him, he used to think it was all an act, that Taeyong was more of an attention whore than anything else. He knows Taeyong has had depression for a while, now, but they never talked much about it.

 

It's hard not caring about him, though, Doyoung quickly learned. Jaehyun doesn't like leaving him alone at home even after all this time. Ever since they started living together, Jaehyun has loved Taeyong like he was family, but he has a life, too, so Doyoung often ended up keeping him company right after they met, because he's not that social either and he didn't really have anything better to do anyway. That's how they got to that point.

 

Doyoung used to do it out of pity for Taeyong, mostly; or because it was Jaehyun that asked him to, or because he was bored himself. They used to bicker a lot, but Taeyong always seemed so fragile, soft skin and sharp bones drowned in oversized sweaters, that Doyoung couldn't find it in himself to argue with him for real. (He did raise his voice a tiny bit, once, but quickly regretted it when he had to try and get a crying Taeyong to get out of his room for almost an hour.)

 

Doyoung quickly understood why Jaehyun was so protective of Taeyong. What used to be, in Doyoung's eyes, a whiny and needy bitch, became a way too skinny boy with way too much weight on his shoulders to carry on his own. (Doyoung also got why half of the school had a crush on Taeyong, why everybody invited Taeyong to shitty frat parties, why even the teachers loved Taeyong. He had to admit the boy was pretty damn cute.)

 

Having Taeyong in his life was a chance not anyone had, and Doyoung grew fond of him, despite his annoying habits, his excessive cleanliness, his weird ass hair colors and his strange way of talking to himself as if he was having real conversations. Next thing he knew, he was as crazy about Taeyong as anyone on campus.

 

("I _care_ about him," he had admitted, once.

"Not the same as caring about family, though," Jaehyun had smirked.

Doyoung never told him he was wrong.)

 

Taeyong, too, started hanging out with Doyoung because he genuinely wanted to, not just because it was better than the silence of an empty apartment.

Or so Doyoung hoped. But it was way too hard to guess what Taeyong was feeling or thinking at any given time, so Doyoung just kept spending time with him without thinking much about it and just hoping it would last.

(It did.)

 

They balanced each other, in a way, with Doyoung being a bit harsh and unfiltered and Taeyong so soft and delicate. They became so attached at the hip that Jaehyun started joking about how his two best friends were now best friends without him. (Jaehyun knew from the beginning though, deep down, that Taeyong and Doyoung weren't really made to be _best friends_.)

 

"I want to watch Matrix, next," Taeyong suddenly says.

"Don't you want to sleep?" Doyoung mumbles.

Taeyong sits up at that,

"Do you?"

He sounds disappointed.

Doyoung looks at him, notices his pout and the lingering sadness in his eyes which are now looking to the floor. He instantly regrets being so stupid.

Taeyong hasn't been feeling well, lately, his depression keeping him from going anywhere except for school. Doyoung realizes that this night is probably the only fun Taeyong has had in a while.

"No, no, I mean, I wouldn't want you to be tired," Doyoung rushes to answer.

"I told you my classes are canceled tomorrow. It's okay if you're bored, you know," Taeyong almost whispers.

Doyoung can feel him start to get insecure, and he hates himself for causing it.

"Hey, I'm not, alright? I'd never get bored with you, you know that,"

Taeyong doesn't answer. He focuses back on the TV, but Doyoung can see he's lost his enthusiasm.

He's not saying the actor's lines anymore.

He also doesn't put his head back on Doyoung's lap until Doyoung sighs and urges him to, pulling on his arm and telling him to _lie down, come on, please._

 

Doyoung's eyes start to feel heavier than ten thousand suns, but when The Shining ends, he does click on Matrix.

He knows it's worth it when he hears Taeyong giggle. He also knows that, in his whole life, he's never going to be in love with someone as much as he is in love with Taeyong right this second.

 

After a while, Taeyong stops moving and his breathing gets heavier. Doyoung doesn't take his hand off his faded pink hair. He doesn't understand shit about this movie, either, his neck hurts, he doesn't know what time it is and he's pretty sure he's on the verge of forgetting his own name. He looks at Taeyong and sees closed eyes and soft lips slightly parted.

"Baby," he whispers before closing his eyes.

His soul almost leaves his body when he hears the smallest "Hm?".

"You're awake," Doyoung says dumbly.

"Wanna sleep," Taeyong mumbles. "Bed, please,"

 

Doyoung is nowhere near awake enough to carry Taeyong to his bed, but he does anyway. He gently puts his arms under Taeyong's neck and knees and gets up as slowly as possible, scared to death that he might drop him. Taeyong mumbles things to himself as Doyoung puts him slowly on his bed. He's already in his Harry Potter pajamas, so Doyoung lets him be and focuses on undressing quickly before joining him.

"Cuddle me," Taeyong whines and starts squirming when Doyoung finally gets under the covers.

Once Taeyong is satisfied with his position, his limbs tangled with Doyoung's, his face in the crook of Doyoung's neck, he finally stops moving.

"Doyoungie said I'm his baby," he whispers, eyes closed, so low that Doyoung almost doesn't hear.

"I did," Doyoung admits.

"Am I really?"

At this point, Doyoung knows it would be useless not to be honest.

"Of course you are,"

Taeyong moves back a little and looks him in the eyes.

"I know, Doyoungie," he smiles.

"What do you mean you know?"

"I mean I feel the same, you know that, right ?"

 

Doyoung starts wondering if maybe he's still asleep on the couch and actually dreaming all of this.

"I don't get it,"

He really doesn't get it. Taeyong giggles.

"Aren't we in love ?" he asks.

 

Doyoung wonders how half a bottle of wine can make someone so confident.

"Where does this come from," Doyoung wants to punch himself in the face.

"I think we are," Taeyong decides, not paying attention to him.

Doyoung doesn't answer and looks at the wall.

 

He's convinced the last five minutes happened only inside of his head, that he was so tired he started hallucinating, or that he fell asleep so quick he couldn't even tell, until Taeyong presses the smallest of kisses to his neck.

"I do love you, Doyoung," his voice has changed, his tone slightly more serious. 

Doyoung draws a sharp breath, and his eyes kind of start to water, so he closes them, praying that Taeyong won't notice. His chest has never ached so much.

"You make me happy," Taeyong adds, but Doyoung wants him to shut the fuck up.

"Please," Doyoung whispers.

"What?" Taeyong asks, his voice wavering. Doyoung knows he's starting to get insecure again when he was so sure of himself seconds ago.

" _Please_ tell me this is real," Doyoung finally says.

Taeyong moves way too fast for someone who was about to fall asleep minutes ago, and presses his lips quick but hard against Doyoung's.

"Did that feel real enough ?"

 

(It did.)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one sitting and it sucks ass but it wouldn't get out of my head so I just did it  
> hope you enjoyed  
> also The Shining and Matrix are two of the best movies in existence and if you haven't seen them what the fuck are you waiting for
> 
>  
> 
> hmu on curiouscat : https://curiouscat.me/hyukkwon


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